spleen

what a great word, spleen. It conjures up the venting of one's spleen. I picture greenish yellow nasty things. When challenged; we first want to vent - it's not my fault, I didn't know, it's too hard. Getting mad is normal. Feeling anxious is normal, doing something about those two things is harder. I continue to face a mountain of change. I loved our trainer today, she talked about rock climbing, in rock climbing you have to head up the mountain, and sometimes after much effort and only a few feet gained, you are in the wrong place, and that is disheartening. You can swing off the mountain and wallow in self pity - no one knows how hard this is, I can't do it. Or you can look around and figure out what you need to do next, and then, just do it.
Nike was right. Just do it. Stop fighting it, stop wishing it were different. If you really do not want to do it, here's a crazy thought ...go do something else. Staying in a system you don't like and resist is not helpful to anyone, least of all you. Acknowledge what you are willing to commit, then, just do it. Or go home. But I think I just realized, hell ya, I am still in the game, I want to do it. I know I can do it, and I will do it. so there.