spleen

what a great word, spleen. It conjures up the venting of one's spleen. I picture greenish yellow nasty things. When challenged; we first want to vent - it's not my fault, I didn't know, it's too hard. Getting mad is normal. Feeling anxious is normal, doing something about those two things is harder. I continue to face a mountain of change. I loved our trainer today, she talked about rock climbing, in rock climbing you have to head up the mountain, and sometimes after much effort and only a few feet gained, you are in the wrong place, and that is disheartening. You can swing off the mountain and wallow in self pity - no one knows how hard this is, I can't do it. Or you can look around and figure out what you need to do next, and then, just do it.
Nike was right. Just do it. Stop fighting it, stop wishing it were different. If you really do not want to do it, here's a crazy thought ...go do something else. Staying in a system you don't like and resist is not helpful to anyone, least of all you. Acknowledge what you are willing to commit, then, just do it. Or go home. But I think I just realized, hell ya, I am still in the game, I want to do it. I know I can do it, and I will do it. so there.

Getting there

I spent the day with some colleagues, let's just say, there was a lot of venting. I have been feeling OK about things lately, not great or fantastic, but OK. Not so much for my peers, there was a lot of stored up frustration shared, and hints of anger. It's a little weird to feel better about where you are, when that is based on someone else being in a worse place. I have loads of frustrations and at times I am angry, but I can't live in that place, and I guess I choose not to. I think it prevents us all from moving forward. I want to support my friend, I think some of the frustration is now contributing to problems that are frustrating... it becomes a vicious circle. You never know when life will offer insight, I need to apply this learning to my own situation. and for my friend, I will offer support, and appreciation, she is frustrated because she cares so much, and she is under appreciated. As is often the case, the problems get 90% of an organizations energy, and those who are performing don't get the support and encouragement that would ensure they continue to perform, we need to re focus on this