wakefulness

last night I was wakeful, I just didn't feel sleepy, no way, no how. I read a book for about an hour, and went back to bed, still not sleepy. wanted to be sleepy in the worst way, but no go. once the bed heats up i cannot stay there, back up and onto the laptop for about another hour. still not feeling sleepy, but threat of morning made me return to bed. this time i fell asleep, agreeing that i would call in sick if i felt too sleepy tomorrow. funny huh? a state of wakefulness negotiated to sleep by an internal promise to play hooky from work. or maybe just a rebellious me giving work the virtual finger. this morning i am tired, but ok. and will go to work. but i think i need a day off to do nothing, i'm due. after that i will be sleepy when i am supposed to be.

stream of consciousness

when i woke up this morning i didn't know what time it was, what day it was, or even where i was. that is a scary feeling, for a moment until it starts to come back. usually a sign that i slept well and that is a good thing. i also love when i wake up and actually feel awake, versus groggy. this morning i wanted to go outside for a walk, right away. but instead i made coffee, went to the bathroom, jumped on laptop. but i am going for a walk, it is a beautiful morning. roxie will be happy.